Part II of Day 9

It was 11pm when I drove several young dudes from the burbs to Wrigleyville in Chicago.  The entered the cab full of phrases like:

• The ladies are already at the club, bro.
• I am pumped, chicks will be drunk with Mardi Gras and all
• I'm not gonna puke tonight

About halfway there, two of the four party animals were asleep. They awoke to the sounds reverberating from John Barleycorn's.

My last customers were not really customers.  This never really happened.  If you have read the previous blog entries, you know that I am not supposed to pick up fares in the City of Chicago unless we are called.  While slooooooowwly driving down Lincoln Avenue, amongst the many bars and clubs, there was no shortage of party peoples on the street.  When two young ladies looked to hail (hale?) a cab, they caught my eye.

#1:  Are you a cab? (as she eyed the car)
#2:  There is a phone number on the window, get in.
Me:  Well I am, but ( and they enter the cab )
Me:  Um, well, it is by the mile.  This isn't a taxi
#1: I don't think this is right. We should get out.
#2:  He has a radio thing, I think its fine.  I'll call my Dad and keep him on the phone
Me: No really, you are probably safe with me ( I thought sarcasm would bring some trust to the relationship)
#1: I'll call Bob.  Oh Fake Cab Guy (me), we are headed to North and Wells.  Bob, come out with us.......well get dressed...... cmon'.
My brain:  Bob was clearly getting a booty call.  Good for Bob. 
#2: I know what is creepy about you Fake Cab Guy. You speak English and seem normal.  That is what is wrong.
#1 to #2: Bob is an ass.  I wanted you to meet him.
#2 to #1:  You just wanted sex.
#1: Well he's gonna have to wait awhile for that from me I think.
My brain: At least until you get drunk again.
That was that.  The two were delivered unharmed. 

Soon I need to share my memory of the short cab scene in the movie, Splash.

Day 9. Forest Park, Brookfield, and Miss Daisy.

Day 9

It had been a few weeks since my friend Barry at 5^th Avenue Cab needed help.  After witnessing the Town of Brookfield Pub Crawl, the Forest Park St. Pats Parade (yes, on March 5^th), and some gigantor party in LaGrange Park, I understand why they needed the Saturday help.  Add to the chaos a dumping of freezing rain and snow along with many closed roads and ramps, it proved to be quite the night in the cab.

Customer #1 was a walk-up while I was posted at the train station.

#1:  Do you guys drive to the Loop? (A 20 mile trip to downtown Chicago)

Me: Maybe

#1:  I missed the train, I am in the Navy, my grandmother is in town.  How much would it cost?

Me: About $40

#1: Would you trust me?  I can go to an ATM when we get downtown.

My brain: Not really.  You talk as if you have snorted a lot of substance and have a shaggy haircut.

Me: No.

#1: Hmm.

Me: There is an ATM a few blocks away.  I will take you there and you can pre-pay.

That is how it went down.  After wo closed bridges and a closed ramp, we made it to the Hotel Intercontinental.  Grandma has class.  Dude looks forward to being stationed in San Diego.  According to Customer #1, San Diego has “lots of things to buy, and women, and strip clubs.”  I don’t think he meant to connect them as dots.

Customer #2/3 were my fare achieved by “trolling.”  Madison Avenue in Forest Park, IL is full of Irish Pubs,  trendy restaurants, and a few clubs.  The street was hopping with drunks as the town held their St. Patrick’s Day Parade earlier. 

Drunk Customer #2 (an attractive Asian women in her 20’s): Shit, you are a cab. Great. Get in idiot.

Drunk Customer #3: With my beer and stuff?

#2:  Hey driver guy, I think we are going to 8 something Washington.

My Brain: Another person with a fear of commitment…

#2:  I don’t know why you are mad at me.

#3:  I think I want you to shut up.  It’s okay driver guy, I won’t pee in your car.

#2:  If you pee, I’ll shit (so ladylike)

#2:  Its okay driver guy, we talk like that. And he is drunk.  We are like brother and sister.

My brain:  I never had a sister, so I won’t judge.

#3:  I like you driver guy

My brain:  Thanks.

#2:  I am not sure why I date dumb white guys (hence the importance of my Asian qualifier earlier)

After a nice tip, #2 got out of the cab and started walk and find her car.  #3 just sat in the back for a minute.

#3: Do I have to go?

Me: She likes you, and you have to pee, remember?

He left.

Customers #4 and #5 were also walking the streets.  They were a really nice drunk couple. Engaged.  We had fun and talked about drums.

#4: Will you take us to Oak Brook?  22^nd or 16^th Streets. (Another fear of commitment)

Me: Let’s start with 22^nd Street and work our way down.

#4:  Good plan.  This is my fiancé, Jenny. 

#5:  We are going to a club in Oak Brook.  I don’t think we are dressed appropriately. Will you wait for us and make sure we get in?  Then take us to my place to change?

Me: Sure, we charge by the mile.

My brain: I hope you two nice people do not throw up, and that you do NOT get into the club.  More $$.

#4 and #5 provided me with an addition to their normal tip… a really ugly purse with 5 tall-boy cans of Budweiser.  They didn’t feel it appropriate to take it into SKY.  SKY is a bar/nightclub that is SO fancy that they use a backwards “K.”  My nightclub will be called "GARY" with a backwards "A."

Customer #6 was a “drivingmissdaisy” situation:

Me: So where we headed?

Miss Daisy: How the hell should I know?  Take any route you like.

Me: I mean, what is the name of the restaurant?

Miss Daisy: Oh, well …………

Visit soon for more of Day 9………