Welcome Russians !

Today I decided to take a quick look at how many visits to the blog there have been lately.  I did this while watching the Chicago Bears.  I also like having my finger nails pulled out.  But interestingly enough, my blog had 10 views today.  Five of those were from Russia.  Break out the Vodka, because I cannot think of any other cliche's at the moment.

Halloween Day and Annoying Nice People

Halloween Day 2015:

     I learned a new verb today.  A fun Hipster couple was in my Prius discussing how one female friend of theirs believes she was drugged by another distant creepy friend of theirs.  The woman in the car said that her friend was "Bill Cosbyed" by the creep.  I had to chime in and add that I am excited about the new verb.  ( Not excited that Dr. Huxtable had access to drugs. ). She was quick to add that the Creep did not have sex with the female friend.  So I had to correct the terminology and point out the the friend was "Billed" but not quite "Cosbyed.".   Either way, upon further thinking, I realized that months earlier I had inadvertently  "Bill Cosbyed" myself.  It was the second day in a month that I was falling asleep with little control in the matter.  After trying to figure out why this had happened twice to me, I finally checked the label of my Tylenol and saw that it was NIGHTTIME Tylenol.  So I cancelled my doctor appointment.  I was convinced that I was dying.


Jail:

   I picked up two sweet elderly ladies in the Bridgeport Neighborhood.  They were headed to a great diner....  White Palace Grill on Canal Street.   They had both been teachers in the city for much of their lives.  One shared how she created her own free tutoring program for the poorer kids in the area.  She even brought some kids home to cook them a real meal and help them with their schooling.  Nowadays,  she would be arrested for such a thing.  I am glad that "nowadays" is a word.


A Cool Chicago College Gameday Thing

   I am sure Chicago is not unique, but if you went to a Big10 or larger college, you have your own bar in Chicago.  I knew that each Big10 school had claim to a bar.  Several years ago, Court and Ack were in town.  Being Pennsylvanians, we had to visit the Penn State bar for the Penn State vs. Illinois football game.  It was pretty cool to walk in to the sea of white and blue.  Now hold on to your hat...... Penn State beat Illinois that day.  Today, a couple from North Carolina had be bring them to Clark and Fullerton so that they could watch Clemson at the Clemson bar, Lincoln Park Stadium Bar and Grill.   Clemson!!

Nice People are annoying?

    I had another couple from North Carolina along with their New York friend in the car.  While the NC couple went on and on about how nice the people of Chicago were, the New Yorker finally announced how tired he was of having to respond to Chicagoans doing horrible things like:  Saying "bless you" after a sneeze;  Holding the door for you;  Allowing and waving you into traffic; Saying hello.  The poor guy.

Pride

    I drove by Wiener Circle.  They have parking.  I was hungry.  I did not stop for a hot dog.  I am proud of myself.  Master of my domain.

Unhappy Catholics

Unhappy Catholics on 9-23-15

I drove through the far northwest side of Chicago tonight, known as the Belmont-Cragin area.  The ride brought me down Austin Avenue, which I will call Catholic Church row.  If you are not aware, Chicago has a massive Catholic population and history.  ( no pun intended).   My only reason formwriting about it is to share my realization that Catholic Church names are not all that inviting; Blessed Church of Dead Saints,  Our Lady of Sorrow and Depression, St. Dude of the Mourning Mothers,  Holy Church of Guilt and Loathing.  Shame On You Church of the Holy Spirit.  You get it.

More Racism on 10-5-15

It is bad enough when a grown white guy talks like a moron, but it is worse ( or actually funny ) when a grown Filipino guy speaks "douche".  Even better is when the guy is in your back seat using a cell phone.  You picture it in your head; an asian guy named Bill speaking with no accent at all:

     "Dude, what is the Dillio?"   "No way, that place is like boss."  "Will there be any bitches there?"  "Dude, that is dope as heyell."  "Well the 4-1-1 on that sounds dope" ( no as hell on that one ) "Oh man, well I will see you in 20 so we can get our drink on bro."

Following this music to my ears, Bill and I discussed the three most important components of a good relationship.  It was like he flipped off the "moron" switch as if a forty-something year old white guy would not understand him. 

Nectarine Amy and Gunshots

These next several stories took place during just the few drives between 8/16/15 and 8/26/15.

I will start with Lance the cook. While waiting in a Walgreens parking lot for my ride, I watched a guy picking up used cigarette. He disappeared from sight, and without fail, asked if I was the Uber guyupon his return.   He apologize for disappearing and informed me that he  "had to pee over there."  He gestured to the short bushes in the middle of the parking lot.  He smelled of cigarettes. Used cigarettes to be more accurate.   He is also the cook in an unnamed establishment (pub) in Westchester, IL. 

This next story can fall under the WHY I UBER category.  I picked a couple up with one tiny piece of luggage at an upscale hotel in the west suburbs. They said they were headed to a park in Chicago, but not sure where. They asked that I just head "that way" while they searched for a public pool to explore.  They just wanted to swim in a pool. I informed them that there really aren't public pools for people to just show up at in Chicago. Apparantly they travel often, and like to find pools.  Kind of a sicko pool fetish.  (not really, I just wanted to type that ).  So I mentioned the small beach near Adler Planetarium and the suggestion as a go.  While sitting in typical crappy traffic on I-290 we discussed Chicago baseball.  How odd that Chicago tourists had more of an interest in the White Sox than the Cubs.  "Are either team in town?"   Why YES, the Cubs were about to throw the first pitch at Sox Park ( aka Comiskey, aka US Cellular Field, aka The Cell ).   I gotta love their change of plans.  Twenty minutes later I was about to drop them several blocks from the park so that they could scalp a few tickets, when we realized their one piece of luggage would prevent them entry.  "Get back in the car" I offered.  While off the clock, I took them to  a friend's two-flat apartment building, hid their luggage in the back yard, and walked them through the signature Chicago neighborhood alley back to 35th street.  I'll never know if they scored tickets.   I'll also never know if their luggage was stolen.  Good people!!

August 26. Without question, the winner of today's  HOLY CRAP AWARD was Grant.  He enjoyed Uber stories, and was quick to share his own insane story.  First he assured me that we were headed to his house, and that it was in a safe neighborhood.  He said it in that "I tell people I live in a safe place even though it is not a safe place" kind of way.  He explained that a recent Uber driver picked him up in a large extended-cab pick-up truck.  Odd.  He then asked if I had heard about the Uber driver who shot someone?  I had heard the quick news bite, but did not hear nor read any details.  I think this poor guy is wondering if I might off him later, but he is again quick to explain that this Uber shooter was the good guy.  Back in April, minutes after the black pick-up drops of Grant in his safe neighborhood, the Uber driver happened upon some gang activity and lively shooting.  The licensed to conceal and carry driver went ahead and shot one of the gang bangers.  Grant had no idea this happened until the morning, when his phone was full of messages from Uber wanting to interview him about the mental state of his Uber driver.  I have to admit, my blood was pumping faster and faster as the story unfolded.  This was NOT a boring ride.  In fact, instead of thinking about boring Uber riders, I was feeling like a boring Uber Driver!  I needed to step it up.  I needed to drop off Grant and quickly find someone to assault.  I am competitive!  Soon after I picked up a nice couple and their puppy.  I did not assault them.  Nor the puppy.

http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/local/breaking/ct-uber-driver-shoots-gunman-met-0420-20150419-story.html

Quick aside:   Have you ever found yourself driving while a bit too tired?  I decided to quit one night after sitting at a stop sign, waiting for it to turn green. 

August 27.  I decided to turn on the Uber App on my way home from work.  Sure enough I got a hit which brought me to a strip mall on 87th Street.  Ann and her one piece of luggage needed to get to Midway Airport in time for her to get some "Pot Belly" and make her flight.  Before I even said hello she says "wait til you hear what a day I have had."  She did not dissapoint;

4:30 AM.  Ann is awake in her downtown apartment, ready to venture to Midway for her 6:30 AM flight to Tampa.  She would be gone several days, so she cleared the kitchen and ate the last of the nectarines.

9:00 AM.  Alamo Rental Car informs her that she cannot rent a car for her drive to Sarasota with her EXPIRED Illinois Driver's License.

9:30 AM.  The phone calls to the Illinois DMV fail to produce a temporary certificate despite some heavy tears.

10:00 AM.  Amy will NOT see her friend in Sarasota, but the tears score a free flight home from Southwest Airlines back to Chicago.  She did not even have to ask.  Yay Southwest!!

1:00 PM.  Amy arrives at the nearest DMV via cab.  She had to guide the cab driver using her own GPS as he could not find 87th and Harlem !!!!

4:30 PM.  A nice Uber guy named Gary takes Ann and her updated license BACK to Midway Airport so that she can restart her visit.  This must be some friend she is visiting!

And all I am really thinking now is, mmmmmmm, Pot Belly.

Credit Cards Welcomed and 16-Inch Softball

Bambi. My phone alerted me to pick up a woman ( I assumed ) named Bambi. I think she got off of work from the night before, if you know what I mean. Not conventionally attractive. That being said, she was not unconventionally attractive either.  Someone got ripped off.

I like that Ubering takes me to new places, which means close to unique  restaurants.  It is almost a good excuse  to drive. If I find myself hungry, which is every few minutes, I can hop on my Around Me app and see what restaurants are around me.  The TV Food Maps app can also direct me to joints featured on the various food channel shows.  Today it was a hotdog at Henry's near Cicero, Illinios. Al Capone!!  If you notice below, credit cards are welcome. But not Jews.  OK, kidding about the Jews thing.

I also passed the Chicago 16-Inch Softball Hall of Fame building in Oak Park on Harrison Street. Who knew?  I do remember living in Pennsylvania ( Media ) and getting to listen to my P.E. teacher introduce us to the sport "poplular in Chicago."  It is real, beacause it has a website: http://16inchsoftballhof.com/

Speaking of restaurants and sports, my last ride brought me to the Bridgeport neighborhood, where the White Sox play. Hungry enough,  I stopped at a typical Maxwell Street Polish joint where you order on the street and eat at the metal counter outside if you so wish. The older gentleman next to me said "blewchkle",  which must have meant "salt" as he passed me the salt.  Then he said "blewchle",  which must have meant "ketsup."   I wish I could have taken a  picture as he set his teeth on the metal counter and enjoyed his meal next to me.  Nice fella. 

Dust buggars. Yes, I said dust buggars....

How could I forget one of the best stories from Friday night?  My last ride were three guys that had spent the day in the extreme heat at Lollapalooza.  Half the reason I drove that night was to make $$ off of the music fest.  These guys each wanted to rally, and continue their night out.  What I knew that the shotgun passenger did not, was that his two buddies were already falling asleep in my backseats.  He just kept droning on and on.  "Dudes,  do you have crazy dust buggars from today?".    He asked and commented about this all while cleaning out his nose.  With his fingers.  He was not shy about digging in while I drove the Kennedy Expressway at 55 MPH.   He at least had the decency of clearing his fingers of dust by putting his hand out of the car window.  Finally the friend behind him realized what was being said and done and subsequently yelled, "Dude, your dust buggars are hitting me in the face back here!"   Have YOU ever tossed a gum wrapper or cigarette ash out of your car window?  It usually ends up in the backseat.  

Lolla and the Big Hairy Boyfriend

Tonight was full of rappers and references to the same restaurant.  A strange theme on the first night of Lollapalooza in Chicago. My first ride of note was a pickup at Parson's.  Ironically, I stumbled across the place weeks ago and the wait was too long to try it.  Uber indicated that I would be picking up Kylie.  She texted me that a Big Hairy Guy would be coming out soon.  I figured he would be with her.  Instead, Kylie arranged the pick up for her boyfriend.  Hugo was as nice as he was hairy.   He is a cook at Parson's and is proud of the chicken and fish.  Bop N Grill, a favorite on the far north side and featured on DDD.  Half way through the ride it comes out the he is really intent on becoming a successful rapper along with promoting his clothing line.   So keep an eye out for 3i$, both for his rap songs and his clothes. 

Hugo also mentioned Parsons being similar to Big Star ( http://bigstarchicago.com ).  I note this because out of the 7 or 8 rides I gave tonight, 4 of them mentioned Big Star for variousl reasons.   I guess I have some places to check out!

In addition to Big Star finding its way into my car several times, so did the Rap genre.  My favorite ride of the nite was for a trio of late twenty-somethings.  Plugging in their phone was of first priority in order to get the jams going.  They had their pre-party buzz on.  Kyle loved to make up raps.  Partly to just be silly and partly to show off for the woman in the car.  I can now define talent as someone who can us the name "Gary" in a rap song and make it sound almost cool.  " We could have rode the b-us, but we got Gary driving us in the Pre-Us."   I drive a Prius, and yes, I am in group therapy to deal with it.  This trio flattered me by wanting me to quit driving for the night and join them at a party.  I might have, by money was to be made soon with Lollapalooza ending.  Kyle then offered me cocaine if I would change my mind.   Cocaine.

Driving in the city at night brings me past many places that I would not mind being in!  I will call them Uber Teases.  Hopleaf, Half Acre Brewery, Old Town School of Folk Music, Lolla.

The previous day, however, I DID stop.  I lunched at the 90 -Miles Cuban Cafe.  Plantains and a Cuban sandwich!!!  It was also featured on the DDD.

And the small world award went to the guy with the strange accent.  I was studying conducting at the University of Illinois.  Same music school I graduated from.  Not alot of us conductors out there.

Stay thirsty my friends.

Boring! Boooooorrriing!

I am going to hook you by admitting it was a relatively boring few runs.  But with even that there is a story.  The story of Bob.  Uber riders' first names pop up as soon as I accept a ride.  So I knew I was about to pick up Bob in the River East area of Chicago.  Bob was a 20something white guy with a polo shirt and a haircut that said, " I have hair".  Nothing special.  He was softspoken but willing to make conversation.  He asked how uber driving was going, and I shared that it was busy but that there were no good stories for the day.  All pretty average riders.  Poor Bob then admitted that he was probably the most boring of all my rides.  He said it in sort of a sad Charlie Brown kinda way.  If I was certified I would have pulled over and offered a counseling session.  But I am not certified.  So I counted the minutes before his boring ass was out of my car.

New place I gotta eat:  The Plymouth on Plymouth.  Just north of the Harold Washington Library.  My rider was a waiter there.  He hates it, but admits the rooftop restaurant has great prices and good food.   http://plymouthgrill.com/

Favorite quote of the day from the well dressed 28 year old woman after seeing all of the Moms and 12-year-olds headed to the Taylor Swift concert at Soldier Field:  "Oh God, I am going to be the oldest person at the concert tomorrow night."

Angering the Chinese and Good Pizza

Since day one of Ubering I have been out for several more stints.  I tried to make mental notes and even used the Notes on my iphone to keep track of the rides worth sharing.  There are just too many, so for this post I will use more of a bullet format to share the quotes, strange circumstances, and reflections.  Enjoy;

- "Ya know, you are like the first Uber drivers.  Kinda normal and quirky.  Many of the new Uber drivers are ex-cab drivers"
- One guy from the northern burbs of Chicago was proud that his parents were opening a pizza place that is part of a small chain.  Aurelios!  Don't get me started.  Best pizza ever.  Sweet sauce and baked on cheese....  in case you need to be forewarned.
- If you make it to The Litehouse for some food in Hyde Park, ask for Rico.  Well, he corrected me, he goes by T-Y ( tee-why ).   I drove him to his family's restaurant from the South Loop.
- I would love to tell you about Angry Chinawoman.  That is my name for her.  AC had a heavy accent.  When people yell at you in a heavy accent, it is hard to not giggle inside. Somehow it was my fault it was cold out.  It was in the 60's!  I hope winter makes her move back to China.  She was mean.
-  I assumed my last ride at 10PM in downtown Chicago would be local.  Nope.  The very young lady  ( ends up she was at least 21 ) wanted to go to Des Plaines.  It is the City of Destiny.... look it up.  That brought us to a small run down house with more cars in the drive and lawn than there were bedrooms.   She asked for me to wait a few then take her to a bar.  While waiting I watched two guys smoke a bong on the couch and another guy come out and stare at me while he urinated on the lawn.  I think I helped her buy drugs.   If she did buy them, she then gave them to the douche with a Vape Cigarette in the parking lot of Chasers bar in Niles.  Quite a tour of the NW burbs.
- Time stamp this post.  I did get to listen to some of the MLB All-Star game.  American League won, so the last place Chicago White Sox will have home field advantage when they play in the World Series.
- One guy in his twenties said it is normal for his generation to stay out til 4.  I told him I would never have made it til 4.  Then we realized that my generation went out at 9 and partied til 2.  His does not even go out til 11PM.  So they are not a cooler generation, they are just tardy.

"Oober" Day One and the case of the small blatter

Been at least three years since driving "you" around.  Today was my first day as the "Oober Guy".  I was asked twice; " You the oober guy?"  I hadn't even answered before one dude entered my car.  If I was not the oober guy, it would have been unsettling.

My first fare?  Well, I don't think they are called fares, but I will figure out what they are called.  There must be a hipster name for one.   I think Oober is boring by referring to them as customers.  My first pick-up was Vernaise (below) from the Tri-Taylor neighborhood of Chicago.  She is also an Oober driver, so I learned some stuff during our 40 minute congested ride from hell to go 7 miles.  I can blame the Crosstown Classic between the White Sox and the Cubs at at Wigley Field for our traffic woes.

 

 My first pick up ever!

My favorite ride was another traffic nightmare.  I took the fine ladies below to Northerly Island's traffic hell to see Jill Scott, Babyface, Ledisi and Avery Sunshine.  The 40 minute, 2 mile trip made me the only guy with a Kenny Chesney ticket stub anywhere near the concert venue.  But we listened to some Avery through my bluetooth and survived the traffic.  Well I sort of survived.  I needed a urinal since they entered the car.  Not far from the Adler Planetarium was some landscaping with some "tall grasses".  Sadly, the grasses were not quite as tall as me.  Other than the Chicago Police Officer yelling at me to zip it up and move my car, I guess I got away with my relief efforts.

Lastly and most disturbing was the hipster couple that would not even say hello to me.  I am over it.  But their conversation was entertainment enough.  Both had just woken up ( at 4PM ) from a night of drinking until 4AM followed by some marijuana cigarette smoking to kill time til' 5AM.  She was either bragging or concerned about her two male friends "feeling her up" as she fell asleep.  Yes, it is true.  I am not allowed to make stuff up.  So smoke that and compare it to YOUR Friday night.